I received an interesting compliment this week at an artist showcase I was attending for the label. The night started out innocently enough with one of my co-workers coordinating a dive bar run to Rudy’s in Hell’s Kitchen with a few friends before the 10:30pm show…OK guys seriously, I can hear you judging me. Yes, we went to a dive bar! I happen to like dive bars…so many extraordinary things happen there…LOL.

Anyway, we all get there and I get a phone call from my guy J, asking me where I was. As I was telling him the name of the bar, I realized I couldn’t find my wallet and the bouncer at the door was getting frustrated with me, so I had to drop the call prematurely before I could find out if he was coming too (I found my wallet a few seconds later deep in the abyss that is my workbag after the bouncer waved me in as if to say, “forget it, I can see you’re old enough” *side-eye*). Turns out J was only minutes away and showed up just as we were settling in with our first of many pitchers of beer (side note: shots of amaretto in the Rudy’s Red is AMAZING). Come to find out, this friend of mine has a new boo (boo = significant other). I hadn’t met this woman yet, so I haughtily told him that the relationship wasn’t official until I met her (we have a play brother/sister thing going on…he’s been m.i.a. for a while so I felt out of the loop…yadda, yadda, yadda).  He calls her as we’re leaving the dive bar to cab it down to the L.E.S. (Lower East Side for you non-NYers) to see if she’s coming to the show (she is).

We get to the showcase and immediately proceed to the bar (actually that’s always my 2^nd stop…1^st stop bathroom, 2^nd stop bar…in that order…every time). I’m with co-workers ordering drinks when J taps me on the shoulder. I turn around and look down and there’s the most adorable young woman standing in front of me. She’s short (I would say close to, if not under 5’5”), fair skin with amazing curly/wavy hair that goes past her shoulders. She’s a natural beauty too, radiant with little to no makeup on. I say out loud, “OH, I KNOW THIS FACE” (because I’m better with faces than names) and she tells me we definitely know one another through some mutual friends. She works in entertainment as well (TV to be specific) so we’ve absolutely hung out before.

As we’re going through the initial re-introductions she says to me, “I love your hair. I think wearing your hair like that is so bold” (I’m paraphrasing because as you know, we’d just come from the dive bar, and it was loud in the new spot, and I was just handed a Jack and diet, and…well, you get the point). Anyway, her use of the word ‘bold’ made me stop and think for a minute, “hmmm, why that word in particular?” Granted, that night I was rocking a 2-day old, double-strand twist out that was pinned in the back and big on top (see image to the right for example) and with the humidity my hair was extra swollen. But listen, I’m not mad at the word, in fact I LOVE being considered bold, however I was curious as to why she chose it. So I pointed out that she was wearing her hair naturally as well. The difference is that she’s mixed so her curls grow down while mine grow out but regardless, natural hair is natural hair.  We never really got to get into the thick of the discussion because one of my co-workers yelled at me that one of my bosses was yelling at him to yell at me to get inside the actual performance space and watch the show…see, I get yelled at a lot because I get caught up (in life in general) and lose focus on time or what’s going on around me or what I need to be doing, but that’s beside the point.

Anyhoo, I couldn’t shake the thought. As many of you know, I’m a natural girl through and through. I love everything about curly hair: it’s gravity-defying characteristics, it’s ability to change and morph into different shapes and styles, and particularly with black (ethnic) natural/curly hair, I love the fact that it’s SO different (aesthetically) from hair of other races. Of course, I do understand that there are quite a few women out there who don’t share my opinion, which is fine because hair preference is very personal. However, we can’t deny the fact that hair has always been an issue with Black folk (if you don’t know why, I suggest you do some research to understand the racial, social and historical contexts surrounding hair and Black women specifically).So when another Black women (although I’m not sure if she considers herself Black exclusively or if she prefers to use the term Mixed to describe herself…we haven’t had that discussion yet), told me that wearing my hair in its natural glory is bold, it made me want to find out if other women (regardless of race) felt the same way.

Sidebar: I went and had my hair blown out during lunch yesterday because of an upcoming shoot. Later in the day, as I was sitting with two of my guys from work, one of them exclaimed, “I’m gonna need you to wear your hair straight from now on…it just looks SO NICE)” (as he’s saying this, my other guy is rapidly shaking his head in agreement). A quick and defiant “NO” sprung from my lips. “Why not?” He asked. “Because I don’t want to take the time necessary to care for straight hair” (honestly, I don’t know how…I always end up pulling it back after like the first day). I know that it takes just as much effort to care for curly hair as it does straight hair, but I don’t like being in the salon every week for hours on end (I can maintain my curls at home therefore limiting my salon attendance to special treatments); plus I live a very active lifestyle and I will sweat my hair out in a matter of days. Guy number two says, “you can just run a blow dryer through it” and after I inform him that I don’t have the comb attachment that makes that slightly more convenient for me (to which he looks as me as if he’s questioning my womanhood), I think to myself (1) why do you know that and (2) yeah, so I can damage my hair even more? Humph…silly rabbit, tricks are for kids!

OK, “but, uh, back to the lecture at hand” (in my Snoop Dogg, “Nuthin But A G Thang” voice)….no seriously, what’s the deal? Just to let you know how often how I wear my hair comes up for public debate, I’ll give you a few examples. A few years back I had a Black, female co-worker come up to me and say “you’re never going to get an office wearing your hair like that” (she was wrong) and going back even further to my undergraduate days when I rocked locs, I was told that potential employers would never hire me with my hair like that” (that person was wrong as well). My attitude has always been “see me, love me” (what you see is what you get). Now, could I have missed out on opportunities because of some short-sighted individuals short-sighted opinion on what acceptable hairstyles are for Black women? Maybe…but I look at it as it wasn’t meant for me to have anyway (Kanye shrug).

Help me understand, fam. Is there some sort of weird karmic thing happening that makes this a recurring theme in my life? Am I ‘bold’ for wanting to freak what God gave me naturally, or is ‘bold’ really a code word for something else that I’m just too naive to figure out (like a joke that went over my head)? I know I can’t be the only one so please share your experiences.

HEROES UNITE!